August 17, 2022

Matters of the spirit fade into matters of the toe, a vivid revival of gout in mid-morning. Still exhausted from yesterday, which seems like several days rather than one. The pain is infinite distraction. You want to be still, but stillness is no better than movement. 

5:50: Hated, dreaded gnawing on the roof, this time outside. They led me to believe they had found and removed the babies. They had not. Mother is chewing the roof again, trying to get them out. Damage is already done. Tragedy now deepened. Does she not know they are dead, or were with both lied to and they are still somehow alive? I cannot live this way.