October 24, 2018

When I rose in darkness the moon rode low in the sky, but was with me everywhere I stopped, finally cut by the tips of trees over the university parking lot.

October 23, 2018

Inspecting my haircut in the mirror, my eyes happen to take in the whole picture. Physically, there’s not much left to me now but old and ugly. This is a phase that might last a long time. . . .

My playwrights are lagging, so I cancelled class today to give them time to catch up. I said I wasn’t feeling well, and I wasn’t.

Freeze warnings, and yet the flowers bloom, a little exhausted, as if looking forward finally to the razor night. 

October 22, 2018

Woke with an almost absurd sensation of well being, partially, but by no means fully, eroded by the day. Taught Yeats. Got the first haircut I’ve liked in maybe five years. Ate lamb chops, which I seldom think to do. Went to the Mall and bought a shirt. . . novelty after novelty. . . .The shirt guy looked at me and said ”Did you mean to. . . uh. .  get slim fit?” Indeed I did not.  All the clerks were bitching about what a slow day it was.  Circe gives up on the litterbox. And so it goes.

October 21, 2018

Om mani padme hum chant the monks on my You Tube station. Soothing, a golden light, just as promised. Put together Limerick Station. Great wind last night. My biggest dogwood lost its biggest limb.  None of my flowers was touched by the frost.

October 20, 2018

Dark Saturday morning, silent but for the cats crunching their breakfast downstairs.

Went to the Magnetic last night to see Ghost Lullaby, maybe the most satisfying thing I’ve seen there that I hadn’t written myself, shapely and, as it intended to be, deeply creepy.

Mike T sat in my office testifying to a new life, which involved a conversion, breaking up with his girlfriend (one of those was apparently contingent upon the other), and a fresh view of Creation. Such exuberance, one thought at one moment. Such near-hysteria, one thought at another moment. But part of the confession was to tell me he loved me because I had done good in his life, so I shall let it all ride on that. It must have built up for a while, as he talked very fast for more than an hour. I hope I retain what I was meant to retain. I couldn’t quite figure out what was the matter with his girlfriend, since she is a Christian too. It was clear in is mind. He quotes his religious advisers. They seem very stringent to me, like prophets or Apostles rather than modern people. He believes it is what he needs right now. More than once I have thought it– some focused and unyielding path-- was what I need right now. Never found a master I could follow who wanted to be followed.

Good day in the studio. Painted a picture I didn’t expect to paint. Lost my temper when no visitors made it into my studio, came home.

October 19, 2018

All contracts for At the Creche are signed and JD is hard at work finishing the music. Will there be a blow-up from the Vast Infant when this one is passed out? Does everyone who might blow up already know, and there will be peace for Christmas? My students, after we slogged dutifully through the Enlightenment, still believe that some passionately held prejudices should trump the truth. One settles back, decides, like Satan, to skirmish at the periphery.

October 18, 2018

The Vast Infant carries on his program of ignoring me. Is there someone on his side? If so, it would be well to know why. Voted on the first day I could, blue from top to bottom. I wonder if I’ve become a sort of fanatic, but when I look at what the Republicans actually do and declare themselves to stand for, I think that whatever level of fanaticism leveled against them can’t quite be enough. Everything that America has proudly stood for, they do not. The argument in their favor from a voice at once moral and intelligent cannot be imagined.