July 26, 2022

Woke speaking the words “I won’t be learning any lessons from you.” I think I was talking to God. 

Seconds past that waking, a piece fell into place in the puzzle of politics. In trying to explain to myself the insanity of the Right, I realized that every one of their enemies is imaginary: The Deep State, Antifa, the Worldwide Zionist Conspiracy, Crisis Actors, Democrat Cannibal Pederasts, Woke Amazons, Election Fraud, on down the line. The fact that they are imaginary and no evidence can be found for them contributes, somehow, to the conviction of their power: the Left works so hard, and apparently succeeds, but for a few enlightened and prophetic souls, in disguising and concealing its machinations. I wish this didn’t sound so much like Faith. Anyway, it’s the one area where education will not avail, for education relies on evidence and exploration, and the fantasies of the Right must avoid those things at all costs, must insist that evidence is a kind of indoctrination. Education itself succumbs somewhat to the power of the fantasy; at the end of my career I realized that some truths could not be told and, in fact, when they cropped up, needed to be suppressed. This involved people who were wrong, but who, it was felt, had earned the right to go at least temporarily uncorrected. I don’t know the full explanation, or even if there was one other than avoiding friction. Nobody likes to be told they’re making their monsters up. The crude boy in me wants to say that stupid and wrong people got tired of being stupid and wrong and declared stupidity and error a kind of transcendent wisdom., a Dispensation unto the Ignorant. I need to find a better way to say that. 

Weights at the Y. 

Brian S is dead. He was two months younger than I.