January 19, 2018

Slept eleven hours last night. Interesting dream before morning: I was staying in a hostel in Dublin–one where I customarily stayed, apparently-- when I realized that the duffel I’d left there for storage the year before was gone. The shower was out of service. When I went inquiring after the duffel, I returned and my present backpack, with wallet, passport, etc, had disappeared. I was told by the manager, whom I suspected of the thefts, that he had to ready the room for new customers. So there I was on the twilight streets of Dublin absolutely helpless.  I was so deep in the dream I thought it was real life. When I work, and realized none of that had happened, I was baffled for a while. Bafflement came before gratitude.

Bestirred myself yesterday and got a bad haircut (but from a boy who did not try to engage me in conversation, so all was well) and then went on to senior seminar. It was a good class, and worth the effort of getting there and sitting through it. Students can be quite sophisticated if it is allowed, or expected of them. Two of the complainants from last semester are in the class. Uncertainty was in their eyes– did I know? If I knew what would I do? Had I been confronted? I knew, and what I would do was nothing. Not even try very hard to accommodate my presentation to their sensitivities. Their thought is so unformed and prickly it’s like a thistle complaining that it wasn’t taken fully for a rose. By being covert they had lost both tranquility and the opportunity for new understanding. Blake puts secrecy beside jealousy among the bars of hell.

Blue golden day outside. The day might be endurable.