January 8, 2023

Realized during the course of yesterday’s rehearsal one of the reasons I drifted away from directing. At the end, I counted poor Tate’s having to answer the same questions at least four times each, sometimes more, the sopranos chattering and not hearing, some anxious old guy having heard but wanting confirmation. Yes, the concert is at All Souls. No, nobody knows where you can park Yes REALLY the dress attire is black. No, honestly you don’t have to wear a tux. I’m constitutionally incapable of repetition, at least of an intensity that comes with people before performances. Besides the fact that it’s all written down in at least five emails. 

Extended wonderful dream, which remains now in fragments. I lived a long time ago, maybe in Sumer, and had invented a small machine out of which medallions could be drawn, arranged on a golden wire. These medallions bore the name and history of famous people, and were prophetic, reaching far into the future. The people around me we awe-struck. Scenes changed and brought me forward in time, always before some sort of salon astounding people with my machine and its prophecies. As we came forward in time, I worried that the effort I was putting into the magic box would prevent me from finishing my Ph.D. At some point I acquired a large, beautiful German shepherd, whom I love inordinately. The dog and I wrestled happily at the end of the dream.

Meaningful sermon this morning, which put my life in order in a way I didn’t expect. Like breaking through a wall and seeing a vista unsuspected. I overcame what annihilated others and could have annihilated me. I have always been stronger than I imagined. That should be enough.