February 6, 2019

Strange session in the evening. Disappointment, a little depression, upheaval set me on edge, and I asked the Powers for peace. What came was the conviction that my mother was in the room, and out of me came the most agonized cry for forgiveness for all the ways I didn’t recognize her personhood, the ways I trampled her goals in order to get to mine, the foolish ways I fought for autonomy and independence, the ways in which I was a selfish boy. Do parents forgive that automatically? I couldn’t think of a single thing I ever did which was certain to have made her proud or happy. My only hope was that she could somehow hear me.

Bought my ticket to Jerusalem for spring break. Was happy afterward, so at the moment there are no second thought.

Someone was apparently murdered or committed suicide at the Mill, where my office is. Not enough details either to be afraid or to be comforted.