February 2, 2019

Imbolc passes, splitting the difference between winter and spring.  A huge (though immature) red tailed hawk blessed the silver maple by my pool for a few minutes. Huge progress on Sam-sam, good work at the studio, in a room made bare by removing all to the library.

Came upon Maud pissing on the beautiful carpet in the guest room. So sad, inexpressibly sad, exhaustion and betrayal at once, it seemed to me. I shut the door and prepare for a trip to the carpet cleaners. Nothing can be good for two days.

Harassment from JM wakes me, assails me now and then throughout the day. The fact that there is no point and no logic does not, in this case or any other, signify.  Had I been worse than I am I had earned better than this.

I have no idea if anything, ever, was worth the effort.