August 15, 2015

Ran into B as she tended to the grounds around an office complex on Chestnut. We chatted. We talked about retirement, and I said, “Maybe I’ll retire and come sign up to work for you.” She said, “My policy is NEVER to hire men. Even gay men. Every time I’ve tried it it’s turned out to be a disaster.”
 “Why?” says I.
 “Because when you tell a man to do a certain thing in a certain why, he always looks for a better way to do it than the way you explained.”
   
I acknowledged that, yes, I would do exactly that. I was at a loss to know why she wouldn’t want that. Men and women!

Finished revision of The One with the Beautiful Necklaces this evening. Radically revised both Night, Sleep and the Dreams of Lovers and The One with the Beautiful Necklaces in one week. Revision now does not mean necessarily to make things better. It means to conceal originality so that the gatekeepers are presented with something they recognize, something they do not have to expend thought on, something they think they can sell because it is like the last thing they sold. And yet somehow how to preserve that striven-for originality. “Better” in that imperfect sense. A feint. A sleight-of-hand. It’s not about quality, but about second-guessing lazy or corrupt imaginations. And yet, quality does count. They will accept excellence if it is not too excellent, or if it is excellent in ways that do not tax their expectations. Hiding skill almost successfully is itself a skill, one I am not unhappy to acquire. All skills are skills, and if I can fool them into thinking the world I want to live in extends an invitation to them as well, I will think of myself not as a sell-out, but as cunning and worldly.
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Sharp/dull ache of gout in my left big toe. One pain fades into another. At least they haven’t all come at the same time. Yet. Returned to Reems Creek, where they fussed over me and welcomed me back. It was nice for them to be concerned.  I bough joe-pye and hardy geraniums and a plant that bears yellow pearl-like flowers and is meant to grow in the shade. The strain of planting them brought on the gout. I could feel it happening. Sigh.