August 31, 2024
Rain finally came, accompanied by what seemed like endless thunder from the west and south. Blessed. After the rain came stillness so absolute you began to be afraid, longing for the least breeze to trouble the smallest leaf.
The team goes off to Edisto today. I’d decided that I would be in London for my birthday this year, but I am not in London.
Realizing I’m a dualist. Soul is soul and matter and matter, though the matter we’re given as our portion can be energized by soul, as soul can be calmed and refocused by matter. I believe in a transcendent body wherein these two elements are reconciled and alloyed. I will not see it in this life.
Feeling the burden, the isolation, the confusion. I weep ten times a day. I think of those I’ve loved, and the futility, at the end, of loving them. I pick up an invisible cat; I reach back to a face lost thirty years ago. I kept my feet faithfully on the path and managed to be lost beyond all redress.
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