February 22, 2012

Ash Wednesday

Titus the Cat left me today. He was the best of cats, sweet and calm and affectionate, a big loving boy. When I balance his virtues and his deficits–most of those have to do with being a slob–he comes out better than most people. Certainly better than me. I am bereft of the buddy cat, and I can’t think of it very often or very long. Maud walks through the house crying. I think she misses him. I think she enjoyed hissing at him, and thought the game would go on forever. The vet was inept, and Tutus was frightened in his last moments. My prayer for the day is to get that out of my mind-- though anger did replace grief a little in the office, and I didn’t feel quite such a fool.

Evening. Dreadful quiet house. Have hardly gotten out of bed. I had forgotten that sadness can make you sick.

But the yard is purple with crocus.

Little spirit, at the end of all things, please find me.