May 6, 2020

Rose at a decent time, had coffee, went to bed again and am up again now at 5 PM.

Have eaten nothing since Sunday, and yet continue with deceptive and extravagant diarrhea. There are random eruptions of nausea. Drinking water upsets my stomach. The coffee was an unexpected comfort.  Did manage to conquer–or live through–the hallucinatory voices which are, all in all, the worst part of this. Even as I write I enter the cold sweat stage, which I recognize from times before as a sign of progress. TV shows caused me to say “The fever’s broken,” though whether that’s what’s happening I don’t know. I have been enslaved to this since the 9th grade.

Is pain the only thing that doesn’t lessen with long habituation?

I’m glad I’m too exhausted to take sorrow or indignation very far.

When I got to my email, three huge rejections. Of course. But, my student Hannah writes this: On a completely different note, because this is my last semester in the Literature department at UNCA, I wanted to offer a few things to you.

First and foremost, I want to thank you for providing me with an exceptional and completely hilarious educational experience. I know I didn't often speak up in class but I believe I was able to learn more through my silence than I would have, if I had talked over you or another student. In tandem with the typical note-taking experience, this quietness afforded me the ability to take down, as I saw fit, certain quotes said by you during class time. Since I first began taking them down, it has been in my sincerest wishes to collect as many quotes as possible and print them out for you to perhaps remember fondly or even laugh at; however, due to the current pandemic situation, that has become quite impossible. Instead, I now wish to impart a few of my personal favorites to you in this email. Though I am only providing a handful of quotes, please know that I’d be more than happy to provide more, or burn them at your discretion. One last thing before I get into it; the context for a majority of these quotes has been lost, but I hope that as you read over them, that they provide a nostalgic feeling for you. Without further ado, here are the quotes!

“People often stand back from greatness because they’re scared of it.” - September 27th, 2017

“Ever since I started watching Project Runway, my life has changed; I want to make a pretty dress damn it!” - October 18th, 2017

“I have absinthe at my house, you know. One day I’ll throw a party and we can all drink it and go crazy, or whatever it makes you do.” - October 20th, 2017

“Do women go and weep in the woods anymore? I don’t know, I don’t get invited anymore. I suppose you all would know.” - November 6th, 2017

“There’s a good bet that if Lucifer fell to Earth, he’d come to North Carolina. “ - November 15th, 2017

“You’ve got to be a little pinned down. Am I afraid of that? Well no, I’ve lived too long to give a damn.” - December 4th, 2017

“Be able to recognize the possibility of taking a good idea too far. Reason has its limits.” - January 14th, 2019

“When this poem hit me, I threw myself out of the window, screaming, and onto the quad. Those words ought to have sent you barreling right through that wall into the next room. Those are the only appropriate responses.” - March 1st, 2019

“Susan’s all grown up! Man, what a bitch!” - February 3rd, 2020 (of Narnia)