August 22, 2017

Peaceful darkness, the bugs making their little chirps in the foliage.. Someone is learning both the harmonica and the recorder. Sound like they’re playing right outside my window. Perhaps they are. I haven’t looked.

Amazing day, in that I spent most of it in an extended fantasy, so sweet I didn’t want to leave, even when my daylight self began to be creeped out a little. Am I trying to change the narrative at this late date?

I realized what to do to destroy the Boy, how it would have the advantage of being both unanswerable and just. Oddly, even as the revelation came, the inclination departed. Once the weapon was in my hand I heard myself saying “Eh, why bother?” Most amazing. Because of my world view, I think of this as an admonition from the world of Spirit. Then I wonder why he received no admonition from the world of Spirit when he was about to wrong me. Perhaps he did, and simply ignored it. In any case, having the power at long last allowed me to shrug it off. It is a mistake, I know, for there is scarcely anything his fall wouldn’t benefit. But not me. Not this time. The fury is gone, and with it the energy. I still look for justice elsewhere.

Neither my students nor I will be prepared for class tomorrow.