July 10, 2014

Rains finally in temporary sufficiency.

During our massage, L says to me, “If we really love and trust the Lord, would we not assume that we are even now in the place he wants us to be in, doing what he wishes us to do?” I strive all day to push every thought, indeed every perception, aside and believe that. The great dark “but!” raises its head like leviathan out of the deep.

Lunch with Lilace and Jimmy. It gives me pleasure to watch the partners of a successful marriage, watch the space they give each other, the support, the harmony I suppose difficultly achieved. Dinner with DJ and Amy. Lunch today with D and A, the whirl of society! I am not a social creature. I plunge into these moments with the pasted-on smile and stifled anxiety of one who really means to do better.

Carried my Stryk bee painting home from Blue Spiral.

Smashed a light fixture that had likely been in the bathroom for ninety years. Smashed it cleaning up in preparation for the cleaning lady.