January 13, 2011

Gave myself extreme turbulence yesterday. Most of it I don’t want to speak or think of, for there was a succession of those moments out of which no good can come. My own fury worries me, because I see even in the heat of it that it is disproportionate and violent, and I don’t care. But there was some humor too. I’d paid money (on TD’s advice) to a group called scriptdelivery.net to get me in touch with possible outlets for Pillar of Fire. I thought I’d receive a list of addresses of agents and producers, but what happened was a mass mailing of my log line to about a thousand addresses, apparently randomly, for what my mailbox was filled with, mostly, was variations on “Go fuck yourself,” or bemused address corrections, with some actual interest sprinkled in. Enough to have made it, finally, worthwhile. Those emphatically not interested emphasized that they had not read the log line (so as not to be accused of theft later on, I guess), and those interested had, so I suppose that it a feebly bright indication. In the midst of research discovered just how many scam artists are poised to pick on actual artists. One apparently notorious one (not so notorious as to have prevented me from contacting them) cheerfully accepts scripts after they have had “coverage,”– that is to say a “professional” critique– which they themselves provide for a fee. They are honest about it, in a Iago-like way, as though announcing your villainy were somehow to mitigate it. What strikes me is how modest the scam is– they ask very little money, really–but maybe there are other charges down the line, and one pays rather than to entertain the thought that one had been had. Also, my Final Draft program was faulty, and though the support people were patient and professional, I was in such high rage that I couldn’t believe the things I was saying–luckily not to them, but to the air. As I said above, my own capacity for irrational volcanics is surprising, but also, thank God, up to this point, quite private. But the names I have called God in the midst of them should not be mentioned.

If the Internet can be believed, our weather vacation is over and it’s back to school today. I’ve had about as much rest and quiet as I can stand.