February 4, 2019

Good class on Pope and Smart, pointless but amusing turn through the streets of Hendersonville later in the morning. Sent my complaint about Dr. Jill to the University Ombudsman. Why can’t I be left alone to do my work? is the plaint behind the plaint.

February 3, 2019

Quite satisfying reading at Malaprop’s of “Corin and Dorina.” There was a large crowd (including none of my colleagues, but several of my students) which seemed unusually attentive to the reading, laughing at the right places, literally gasping when the plot turn came. I was happy as I am not always after a reading. Glenis read some of her poems, which also appeared in the North Carolina Literary Review, whose latest publication the reading was to celebrate. It could have been 1992 at the green door. Glenis is at her best when she has a character from whom exhortation can be expected. This afternoon is was Harriet Tubman. Wandered around for a while downtown in the pure winter light.

February 2, 2019

Imbolc passes, splitting the difference between winter and spring.  A huge (though immature) red tailed hawk blessed the silver maple by my pool for a few minutes. Huge progress on Sam-sam, good work at the studio, in a room made bare by removing all to the library.

Came upon Maud pissing on the beautiful carpet in the guest room. So sad, inexpressibly sad, exhaustion and betrayal at once, it seemed to me. I shut the door and prepare for a trip to the carpet cleaners. Nothing can be good for two days.

Harassment from JM wakes me, assails me now and then throughout the day. The fact that there is no point and no logic does not, in this case or any other, signify.  Had I been worse than I am I had earned better than this.

I have no idea if anything, ever, was worth the effort.

February 1, 2019

Dream before morning. I’m visiting somebody’s house where everyone’s gathered in the kitchen. I walk into the next room, where I feel myself passing out. I think as I sink toward the floor, “No one will know this happened. I am not the one who is ever found in trouble or hurt, but wakes himself and binds up his own wounds and doesn’t even bother to tell the story.” That’s exactly what happened. I came to, got up, went about my business. Later someone pointed out the misty mark my body had left on the floor and said that proved I’d been sitting and watching TV.

Review from the Internet:

JulieW142014
Harare, Zimbabwe
Reviewed November 28, 2017
"Uranium 235"
Plenty of shockingly relevant insight in 'Uranium 235'. Loved Truman's exploration of his 'non-choices' in dealing with Japan with Clio, the muse of history. Juxtaposed with the blatant propaganda song and dance of the day, my own moral compass had a spin. So glad I saw it!

Received my order of Alter’s new translation of the Hebrew bible.

Received Sweet Herbaceous Miracle, a book of poetry that must have been the winner of some contest I entered. It is implausibly bad, as if someone had decided to try in one volume all the ways in which softness and self-indulgence and tone-plagiarism could make a poem founder. It is the winner of the Ciardi Prize for Poetry. What given the quality of the work, could that possibly mean?

January 31, 2019

The day I looked forward to as a “that horrible day” when I could not possibly do what needed to be done is passed, and all things, to some degree, done. I managed, with enormous help from Jhierry and the library staff, to get my show Perimeters set up. Of course the library elevator was out and all the paintings had to be dragged up the stairs. It looks a little too big for the space its in, but it nice to have it there. Whatever people think, I’ll be the last to know. They said I could have a reception on my dime. Stiff and exhausted afterward, taking a long nap with my feet up and dragging myself to chorus rehearsal, where my voice was a cow-like bellow, but I think I learned some notes. Left in exhaustion before Mike taught us the choreography to “One.” Only thought now how that must have looked.

January 30, 2019

Rose and walked toward the car and saw in the southern sky the moon and Venus and Jupiter in a line like a glittering sword. It was beautiful beyond hope. It was the portent of something swift now to arrive.

January 29, 2019

Return to rehearsal, but not quite able to make it to the Wayside afterwards. My voice under the muck is sound.