April 26, 2023

Gentle rain and cold, but enough to water the plantings and keep those not yet int the ground from despair. 

Discovered Max Richter

Vestry last night given over to the examination of the enneagram. Like Myers-Briggs, they acknowledged, but with a greater emphasis on motivation than on appearance or achievement. My 4 and 5, one heart and one mind, are almost equal. My first reaction at similar matters is frustration at the waste of time, though I did learn interesting and useful things. When arguing an issue, I assume my opponents argue from facts and research and evidentiary conviction. I need to be awake to the truth that fears and ancient uncertainties and survival strategies are all in play, and if I look for the strait path of reason, I will be thrown into despair. I do all that myself, as well, and, as they probably hoped, I spent a long examining my own strategies and the ever-evolving scars over ancient wounds. 

Tried to watch a West End musical of The Wind in the Willows. It was gawdawful at every point and by any standard. The gruesome perkiness of the cast just made it worse. One moment of almost sweet intimacy, between Ratty and Mole on the boat, past which it rushed as fast as it could, as if embarrassed by real emotion. 

I can think of Maud without bursting into sobs now.