June 29, 2018

Strange night. I was afraid of something, anxious, but couldn’t think of what it was. I wondered if it was bears. I startled twice at sounds that might have been a bear coming through the sliding door. But I don’t think it was that, but rather that “bear” was the shape taken by some nebulous dark think. I stayed up until 3 watching Netflix, rose at 7 feeling completely and miraculously refreshed. I believe, though, that almost unprecedented anxiety over the state of my country lay behind my unrest. It’s not just that our leader is a tyrant and a sociopath, but that he had followers in–what proportion? 30% of us? 40%? His example has allowed the worst of us to come crawling out of the cellar. Racists, bigots, self-proclaimed Nazis march boldly in city streets, with an impunity that I, at least, never imagined. Whole “news” programs on Fox are lie after lie strung together like evil pearls, and people sit before their sets nodding their empty heads and murmuring “just as we thought.” People who know that the President is a liar and a rapist and a racist and a greedy Plutocrat nevertheless quote him as scripture and base their renewed hatreds upon his crooked words. They are lies, but they are lies they want to hear. Reason and tolerance are, at the moment, from where I sit, useless. People are using the words “civil war.”  It’s the first time in my life I have not found the concept laughable.

Traded in the old Prius for a new one. It was the saleswoman’s first week on the job, and the process went by fits and starts, but was eventually accomplished. My trade-in divided the price exactly in half.

Unloaded the blocks in the bed of the truck so Zach could use it today for moving. Almost more than I could accomplish, though my recovery time was encouragingly brief.