September 14, 2007

Sweet, unfamiliar rain-sounds on the roof. The people I have hired to fix that roof have not come yet, so the sound is not the pure pleasure it might be. Sometimes we refuse to be at peace. If it rains hard and the sump pump does not come on, I am convinced that the pump is not working and the cellar’s flooded. If the sump pump IS working, then I’m worried because water is coming into the cellar. Rain–in minuscule quantities-- comes through the ceiling maybe every tenth time it rains, when the wind is just right. But I worry about it every time. I can calm myself, but it is an effort I resent. The World thinks I should sail unattachedly through my problems, tiny as they are, and with dignity. I think the problems should be removed from me, or at least be open to my removing them. We seem not to have found the middle ground.

I’ve sent hundreds of cards out advertising A Dream of Adonis, but I think the money and the effort was wasted, as the book has not appeared (the at-long-last publication date was September 12) and there are no directions on the Pecan Grove site on how to order it if it does. Louis checked the site booksellers check, and officially the book does not exist. What would another person do? Go down to San Antonio with a tire iron in his fist? Smile and sigh airily "Oh well!’ and think of fields of flowers? I really don’t know.

Meg is using Sam’s song from Edward the King as an audition piece.