Tuesday, February 28, 2023

Herbs

 

February 28, 2023

Warm and fair. Went to Reems Creek Nursery, but it was bare to the pavement, not a tree, not a bush, just some wintery annuals and herbs. Jesse Israel looked the same the other day. This must be the time of year when nurseries clean out their stock. Where do all those unsold plants go? Reacting to this, I bought what herbs were available, resolving to start a porch container garden. Planted peppermint, spearmint, rosemary in the big pots I’ve accumulated, the ones not smashed by bears. Lavender still to go, but I think those will go into the ground. Moving the pots uncovered principalities of the pill bugs. I watched one zig zag around in the sun–which must have been painful for it-- until it found a crack between the bricks big enough to hide in until dark. 

Red-shouldered screaming too high to be seen. 

Watched a concert version of Carousel early into the morning. I was sad and didn’t want to sleep. The musical made me sadder and happier at the same time. Musicals were rejected from our family entertainment, usually, but for some reason we did see the movie Carousel, and my memories of it are vivid and enduring. I thought Julie Jordan was like my mother. I didn’t think exactly that last night, but I remembered why I had.

Monday, February 27, 2023

 

February 27, 2023

The Pen of Revision hovers in the air. Went to Biltmore Park to waste some time and spend some money. S has been made Senior Warden. I’m trying to think of a comparison to make. Lucy Ricardo asked to be PTA President? A solid Cathedral matriarchy in any case. Did I want to do it? Probably not. But I think it was absurd–and disrespectful–to have been passed over for the stupid and trifling.It sends some sort of message. Don't know what.  

Video of a woman in Knoxville dying in fear and pain while the police mocked her. One of them made a show of getting sprayed with Lysol after she touched him. “Wanna go to jail? You’re going to jail now–” while she lay in the car begging for her life. They tortured and tormented her, snickering as they did. I don’t know what to do. I wish I were Thor and the unanswerable hammer in my hand. 

Organ

 

February 26, 2023

Afternoon organ concert. One way of reporting it is to say I slept through it; another way is to say that the music and my subconscious blended into a beautiful and extended phantasm.


Portrait

 

February 25, 2023

Tried my first portrait today, of Stephan, from the publicity photo for his US tour. Maybe he’s too handsome for a legitimate test. 

Nap dreams: in one, Ellen and I go to the theater in Dublin. I somehow have acquired a taxicab. I drop her off at the hotel, then try to return the cab. I don’t know where I got it. I can’t put it in PARK, so eventually I ease it up against a stone wall and abandon it. In another I am the Pope in a white gown and scarlet sash. My chief adviser is a woman who berates me about some gaff until I agree to go on TV and apologize for it. This is while we are both running across a tarmac to catch a plane. 


Saturday, February 25, 2023

 

February 24, 2023

Meetings in two places at once. I thought that life was over. 

Deeply applied gardening. Dug out roots and vines and brambles and tangles, but mostly the mounds of bamboo that want to take over the world. Feeling of accomplishment, though not that much ground was covered. 


 

February 23, 2023

Sat by the river and wrote. When I sit to write, I can. I am meant to take this as a blessing. I am meant to take this as a blessing that balances the lack of all others. Almost, I do. 


Ash Wednesday

 

February 22, 2023

Ash Wednesday

It’s noon and I have had a busy and a happy day. They who prescribe physical activity for melancholy are right. Moved the from-the-first-moment-horrible picnic table and opened the many square feet of driveway under it that had been taken over by English ivy. It lifted up in mats of impressive mass. Dug up the poor nectarine that fell on its side the first year and somehow kept living. I am sorry for that. 

Inhabited a few summers after I arrived at 62, soon abandoned and since rotting away, Carolyn’s purple marten house has finally crashed to the ground. 

Melody’s house is. I think, re-inhabited. At least the pattern of lights changes from night to night.

Sang for Ash Wednesday, received the ashes. Saturn and Jupiter hung about the scimitar moon. A bat flew across the Cathedral just as we prepared to enter. 


Shrove Tuesday

 

February 21, 2023

Shrove Tuesday.

Spring creeping in before his time. In a fury of compilation and revision. Put together a new short fiction collection, with a title based on a name my mother said one time. No one has expended more and extended energy seeing his life’s work come to nothing– and yet, cheerfully, it never seems to affect the next time, which arrives all cannons and fireworks. 


 

February 20, 2023

Running out of places to store the paintings. 


Monday, February 20, 2023

 


February 18, 2023

Looking at a Spanish article on Jared French on You Tube. I love the subtitles. Paul Cadmus is sometimes. Pall cat moss and sometimes Podcast moth. Parcel Post is Bar sole post. “French and Cadmus” is “French I cat must.” You just look at the pictures. 

Good day. Some play revision, some manuscript broadcasting. Painting now in egg tempera in reasonably deep night. Purcell on Pandora. 


 

February 17, 2023

Drum of rain on the contours of the house. I‘m as homebound as Miss Dickinson. Happily painting deep into the night.

Took my materials to the CPAs to do my every year less complicated taxes. 


Friday, February 17, 2023

One from the Vaults

 


February 16, 2023

Looking for something else, I found this from Mountain Xpress, April, 2000. I don’t remember seeing it before. Back when I was getting them I was scornful of reviews:

Portrait of the artist as a redhead

Posted on April 5, 2000 by

by Keith

Blake be with you

As the night progresses, the audience is caught within the reverie of memories, transported from their surroundings into the Hopes netherworld, where memory prevails and poetry is spoken as truth.

UNCA’s Laurel Forum is filled with a mixture of students, retirees and the artsy types who faithfully flock to this sort of function. Some clutch pens and writing pads — the better to record whatever wisdom may issue from the guest of honor. Others, if not chatting with the person next to them, hold the flat expression (reserved for public places) that reads “Do Not Disturb.” A girl catches my eye as she scans the room with a look of despair; I see the soul of Sylvia Plath writhing within.

Dr. Jeff Rackham steps up to the podium, adjusts his glasses and offers a lighthearted introduction of tonight’s speaker — a local guy who’s recently been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize. If that weren’t enough, David Brendan Hopes is also a UNCA literature professor, a producer and director of local plays (and a playwright himself), a visual artist, a gallery owner, an actor and a poet. (As if further proof of the man’s versatility were needed, Prof. Rackham makes sure to note that Hopes once played Mother Ginger in a production of The Nutcracker.)

Once introduced, Hopes nods his tussle of red hair. His small glasses are perched on his nose, and his boyishly expressive round face breaks into a cherubic smile.

Without further prompting, the poet begins to recite Blake. He captures his audience from the start, dispensing Blake’s words as if they were his own. And they are — for he has claimed them tonight.

“Channeling Blake from eternity,” he says wryly.

With honesty, drama and a good dose of doughty humor, Hopes then proffers selections from his books A Sense of the Morning (Milkweed Editions, 1999) — a collection of philosophical essays about nature — and the Pulitzer Prize-nominated A Childhood in the Milky Way (The University of Akron Press, 1999), a memoir.

In Childhood, the Akron, Ohio-raised Hopes remembers how “with an indivisible mixture of homage and cruelty” his early classmates (in Akron, Ohio) dubbed him “The Poet.” He wrote his first poem — a self-described “putting away of former things … a calling,” upon returning from summer camp. After earning his B.A. at Hiram College, Hopes got out of Ohio, seeking higher degrees at Johns Hopkins University and Syracuse University, where he earned his Ph.D. Asked later about any wild times that may have colored his undergraduate years, Hopes bravely chooses the truth: that he followed an unsensational, but ultimately more rewarding, path back then. He had a calling to attend to.

Java and the art of muse maintenance

The artist steps into a local coffeehouse, sporting a New York City Police Department baseball cap pulled tightly over his head. We’ve decided to meet in the heart of downtown Asheville — Beanstreets, to be exact. Surrounding us is a hearty mix of businessmen, young bohemians, artists and wannabes, sipping their cappuccinos and lattes with blase self-importance. Hopes waves, recognizing me amid the caffeine-drunk crowd. In that boyish gesture, I see a man set apart — a child in the Milky Way, if you will. The poet approaches …

He sits across from me in a wingbacked chair, pulling off his hat to reveal that disheveled red hair. His smile is warm and genuine.

Wasting no time, we blast off into Childhood in the Milky Way — which, Hopes reveals, was 12 years in the making, beginning as a series of essays. The notion for a book cropped up in 1997, and the author toiled an additional 18 months to complete it. Revisions ensued, of course, though Hopes has some definite ideas about that distasteful task.

“Perfectionism is a vice. … I often trust that what I have said is the right thing to say, without fixating on it,” he declares, adding with a laugh: “I hope my students don’t get wind of this.

“People talk about how hard they work writing,” the professor continues, and then exhales in disgust — “[They should] do something else!” For this Renaissance man, writing is a lovingly nurtured vocation, a calling — not a mere job, not drudgery, but expression spun into art.

That’s how it is with Hopes. I’ve known him for more than a year — both as one of his students and through my work as a stage manager for Hopes’ theater company, Black Swan Productions — and know by now that any chat with him quickly morphs into a discussion of art. Or, more to the point, life as art. And I should note that one can’t be around him without being gripped by the desire to create. Hopes is a catalyst of creativity, inside and out, constantly inspiring others to pursue art in their lives.

Detecting the muse is a daily exercise for this man. He relates a recent visit to Blue Moon Bakery, nurturing it into a life lesson.

“It was a terrible week, just one betrayal and one disaster after another,” he begins. “I went to get a salad in the bakery … and there was this family sitting by the window with this baby. The baby was looking at me with this … seraphic joy on its face. … It followed me around the room with a [look] out of Eden. Well, I was enamored, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of this baby, and I had the feeling that I knew this soul from elsewhere.”

His order came up, and when he turned around, the family was gone. Hopes claims he experienced a “feeling of bereavement,” coupled with an “auditory vision” that urged: “Let the body of light come forth from the body of fire.”

He gets lost in the memory for a moment, then comes back to Beanstreets and reveals: “That’s the business I was meant to be about, and furthermore, it was the business I had been about.” That “business,” of course, is the sometimes painful creative process — an unending journey that is, always, more important than the destination. Hopes aims to find out what this life can show him, crafting from his discoveries what he calls in Childhood a “Sacrament of Remembrance,” a task both holy and necessary: “I’m going to remember this in my poem, in my paragraph, my painting …”

It’s what most artists are really about, he feels. Society, he opines, is on a “juggernaut of destruction of forgetfulness” — and artists are the only stay against this.

“You realize you have lived your childhood in the Milky Way, and that there is, before age and immensity, nothing but childhood,” he writes. Never ignoring possibility has allowed him to see things forever in a fresh light.

“Good poets speak the truth, bad poets just waste your time,” he says with a hearty laugh. Moreover, the poet must speak the truth unencumbered by factual details. Ever the teacher, Hopes speaks of the Romantic poets’ amazing breadth of vision, how they never rejected possible interpretations of the world around them, delivering the truth as they saw, felt and experienced it.

Despite the mini-lecture, however, “it still surprises me to be a professor — it’s not part of my self-identification,” he admits.

An accomplished dramatist who heads The Blue Ridge Playwrights, a local artists’ gathering, Hopes has penned such exhilaratingly titled plays as Threnodies of Corinth and Godzilla: The Musical (Ellen Pfirrmann, his partner in Black Swan, calls him “a genius … incredibly eccentric”). He is also a much-loved local actor, whose most star-making recent turn was as controversial Louisiana Gov. Huey Long in Consider The Following’s one-man show Kingfish.

Actor, director, producer, playwright, “stage mom”: Which of these theatrical hats, I wonder, does Hopes most fancy? Perhaps not surprisingly, he favors the pen over the footlights: “Playwrighting” is his answer.

And what advice might our man of the hour have for aspiring writers?

Hopes pauses, rubbing his chin.

“I think that some people say, ‘I’m going to be a writer’ because they think it’s going to be nifty. It’s not that it’s not nifty, but [that cavalier attitude] is never going to work. …

*

Ellen’s comment that I am “incredibly eccentric,” or at least was then, is both baffling and recurrent. I’ve always been called eccentric and never known why. I was certainly never eccentric in my own eyes– if anything, a little too conventional in behavior for what was in my heart. Ellen is gone and Jeff Rackham is gone and Keith (if I’m even sure who he was) is gone and Black Swan is gone and Bean streets is gone. All, all gone. The red hair is gone too. Blake remains. 

Finished a revision of The Handsomest Man in the World. It may finally be in the shape it needs to have. I chose to work on that because I want to enter a contest that requires 70 pages, and there are only so many of them. My plays hit 60-63 pages with Platonic regularity. 

Medication that cost $250 under my last plan cost $16 under this one. Some things turn out acceptably.

Paintings

 

February 15, 2023

Whatever I plan to do, writing or revising will settle in its place. I am happy doing those things, whereas I’m not sending manuscripts off or setting up web pages. Did, in fact, set up a page for my paintings, without any real idea of what it’s supposed to be done. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090363850952. 

After-choir group switches venues and keeps it from me. One receives the message, but may be too weary now to go anywhere with it. Each demand pared down leaves more energy for what still matters. 

Have been in good voice since the beach.


 

February 14, 2023

All my many Valentine’s cards must be arriving tomorrow. 

Finished A God in the Waters

Met two very old men at Well Bread in Biltmore. A recalled the time when I spoke at length to him on the phone about the opportunities and trials of aged gays moving to Asheville from Connecticut. I don’t remember that at all. But it was a convivial meeting. They intend to move to Givens Estates when space comes open. I realized as I made my way to the cafĂ© that I had forgotten my wallet, so I pretended I had a “procedure” tomorrow that required me only to drink water. Every fifteen years or so I forget my wallet. This is the first time it became the basis of fiction.


 


February 13, 2023

Movie night at DJ’s. When I rounded the path to his deck, a black cat was lounging along the bannister. I wanted to pet him, but he was not in the mood. Black cat in black night made for an impression of vagueness and uncertainty. The movie was a disappointment. 


 

February 12, 2023

Videos of the Turkish earthquake begin to appear– women with babies in their arms running from collapsing buildings. 

My new play tumbles down the last few pages to its end, which I already have foreseen. It’s been a while since raised one up from the foundation, rather than dickering with extant fragments. I want to enter a contest which says in the list of rules that entries must be at least 70 pages long. I seldom hit that mark. My plays run longer than others with more pages, but there’s no point in trying to explain that to the sort of people who read contest entries. 

The promised winter storm has been, so far, dark skies and a lot of rain. 


Saturday, February 11, 2023

Installation

 

February 11, 2023

To the Magnetic last night to see their new musical offering Wit of direction and exuberance of performance almost negated the fact that it was brainless, an amiable stupidity rolling along from one foreseeable moment to the next, each song exactly like the one before, each moment snatched from a sit-com or one of those sweaty musicals tried out in West Village attics and never heard from again. Which is not to say I didn’t enjoy it. I did, but what I enjoyed was the effort of the actors, which is what must be appreciated in the moment. The genesis of the show is interesting. The band got together and suggested they could do a musical, and the theater urged them forward. Good idea regardless of outcome. 

Sang for S’s installation as third Dean. Mendelssohn. More clergy milling about than any one location needs. 

CT, my bass neighbor in Symphony Chorus, fights for his life after a severe car crash.You turn back and examine all that happened the last time you sat together, to see if there was any sign, any premonition.

 

February 10, 2023

Picked up my new glasses today. Shockingly better vision. 

Cleaned the pond motor until my arm was frozen to the shoulder. 


Friday, February 10, 2023

 

February 9, 2023

Vivaldi on Pandora. Slow red dawn. Warm as spring. 

Rose and went to Lake Powhatan. When I left the air was sweet and clement; when I arrived a storm arrived at the same time, but it was lordly, and I wandered in it. An old man with a walker fished from the pier. Met a dog named Chip. Mostly Canadas and mallards on the lake. The sound the wind made in the trees was like human singing. Now and then leaves would strike the ground, and you’d turn, because the sound of them was like footsteps following. 

Thursday, February 9, 2023

 

February 8, 2023

Bach on Pandora.

Plans for the day changed because Schwab won’t have the data ready for taxes for a week yet. 

My souvenirs from Edisto are two scallop shells. 

Production of Waiting for Godot in Holland cancelled because auditions were not open to women. 

I believe Melody moved out while I was at the beach. Her house looks no different, yet you can sense it’s empty. 

Strange feelings since return, isolation and ecstatic freedom at once. Traffic karma seems to be in a whirl, too. On the Island I pulled in front of an oncoming car, and though I was certain of the outcome, L and J screeched a little. Then I saw the horrible wreck. Today a woman almost pulled out in front of me, and a little later I pulled out in front of someone on Merrimon, and only her braking saved us. Maybe I should stay home tonight. 


Wednesday, February 8, 2023

 

February 7, 2023

Restless night, up many times, certain that I had one illness or other that I did not have. Sent J and L on their way, then packed myself and hit the road toward the mountains. When I left Edisto, a gibbous moon hung bright in the south and dawn made all the sky over the sea blood red. Whatever advantage there was in leaving so early was mitigated by rte 17's being a parking lot. I assumed it was a normal commuter issue, but down the road it was revealed to be a bottleneck created by the police. Of course. 526 was backed up too, again, so far as I could see, by an unexplained police presence. I-26 was backed up (going the other way, thank God) because its nature is to be backed up. I witnessed a terrible crash. A big white truck a little in front of me jerked to the left, went off the road and plunged into the very deep ditch between sides of the road. It was going at least 70. It almost climbed the slope into oncoming traffic, but fell back, still at a tremendous rate of speed, bucking like a wild horse, shedding panels and bits of itself into the air. As I passed I looked to see if I could see the driver, and I couldn’t. I wanted to stop, but considered what I could do, and the answer was probably nothing except maybe cause another accident. Behind me the road was clear for ten minutes, presumably the traffic pausing or stopping for the wreck. 

Edisto 4

 

February 6, 2023

Evening. Two days blend together, so I might tell of them without sequence. Flushed an osprey out of a tree, and saw in his claw a squirrel. If I thought they fished only, I am corrected. We went to a nature preserve higher up the island, where old rice fields– those which aren’t still rice fields–are left flooded for wildlife. An abundance of coots. Met a worker who confirmed our suspicions about mosquitos, and referred to “the mosquito dance” tourists do when they get out of their cars in summer unprotected. Ran afoul of fire-ants and ended the hike scraping the stinging devils off my foot into the fountain of the plantation house. May the tadpoles have the good of them. Much walking on many beaches late in the afternoon, with only my T-shirt. Removed my shoes and waded in the surf, which, though cold, was not THAT cold, up to the ankles.  My feet felt reborn afterward. Fed a pair of sandpipers, perhaps my favorite thing this vacation. Bigger pieces they skittered down to the waves to soften. I longed for them, felt forlorn when the male hurried the female along in their crepuscular foray. Bursts of white far out which I kept hoping were more than the blunt dives of pelicans. Met friendly dogs. Sat on a wooden bench and wept for a while. I came to Edisto when I began my career at UNCA, return to it now that it is ended. Can I truthfully say anything happened in between? Maybe I was put into a mood by the insane perfection of the light. 


Edisto 3

 February 4, 2023

Day devoted to birdwatching, or at that was the intent at outset. Went to Botany Bay and drove the tour, under the arches of live oaks and beautiful expanses of marsh. The marsh near the beach gave us egrets and a stork. The beach is a sculpture garden of monumental driftwood. People position shells on the white twigs and branches. In every still pond we looked for alligators, but found none. Either they are mythical or chilled to a stupor. The day was bright and cold. At times on the beach it was too cold, and I looked longingly back toward the parking lot. At various moments, an osprey, a tern, several placid crowds of black vulture. Masts near the restaurant where we ate lunch each was crowned with a shag.



Edisto 2

 February 3, 2023

Rain breaking just after noon. We toured the Edisto State Park, discussed the difference between cormorant and anhinga. Many serene pelicans. The nice lady at the gift shop confessed that she, too, could not find sharks; teeth. The man who fixed Alan’s furnace ate lunch at the place where we were eating, a good sign.  Went birding by myself in the afternoon. Cedar waxwings thronged the palmettos, eating the berries, twittering their merry twitter. Locals on bikes assured me that the calm pond behind our house contained alligators. Saw none, but did see a considerable flock of hooded mergansers. Any alligators that may be lie shivering down in the mud. Walked a second time to the shore, and watched happy dogs playing frisbee with their masters. Walked to a magical stone wall, its top covered in moss, and the moss thronged with long-legged birds, plovers and sandpipers and a, in this crowd, lordly willet. One sanderling did not move except to switch legs to stand upon. Sat and watched a long time. The birds, unperturbed, grazed within inches of my hand. One can sit on a stone staring out to see a very long time. Doing so, I considered that I have been wrong about my whole life, what it meant, what were its dimensions. The trauma was surprisingly small against the vastness of the sea.


Edisto Beach

 February 2, 2023

Edisto Island, rain and mist over the gray sea. The five hour drive was through unremitting rain, an experience simultaneously boring and terrifying. Walk along the beach. The feeding of gulls and a loveable sandpiper. Vultures perched on the roof of the house next door. Trees full of bluebirds. Wilder and sweeter than Folly, though with fewer places to drink.


 

February 1, 2023

I was going to leave for the beach this morning, but the though of doing so upset me so much, and so inexplicably, that I decided to wait until tomorrow, which had been the original plan anyway. Gave me time to finish my painting or orcas in the deep sea, and to pick away at my new Asheville novel, Folies de Espana my accompaniment. Rehearsal last night productive and irritating. K is hell-bent on fixing random mistakes, so that the substance of a passage sometimes remains unrevealed. AS chorus makes plenty of mistakes, too, so it’s a little like Julia Child chopping carrots into smaller and smaller bits.

D said, “Written a play recently?" " “Yes.” “Aren’t you afraid that function will be taken over by AI?”

For a trip to the beach you pack twice what you need, because-- why not? 

Backed up my files against some shadowy threat.


Wednesday, February 1, 2023

Red-tailed hawk

 

January 31, 2023

A red-tailed hawk lounged around in the yard for part of the afternoon. Though built on the same pattern, his body language is very distinct from Sweetboi’s, the red-shouldered. Sweetboi was sharp and swift; the red-tailed lumbering–by comparison– and confident. A blade and a fist. 


 

January 30, 2023

Warming toward spring-like. Finished my insomnia story. Waiting for underpainting to dry so I can begin to paint sea life, which is what, for some reason, I long to do. Venetian Baroque on the CD. Cleaned out nine bottles of scarcely used cologne. I wonder what possesses me from time to time.