June 11, 2021

Realized yesterday as I was driving somewhere that my aversion to upheaval may become a problem. Wednesday night disarray at the theater put me in distress, though not much. As I write now, I await the AT&T Internet guy, and I wish I had not signed up for this, whatever the advantages, because it means upheaval in this house. When will he come? Howe long will he stay? What hidden problems will there be? Will my Internet work as well as it did? What if I miss some of my favorite channels? What if there are service glitches? Maybe when it’s done I’ll be glad, but until then, not. This is not new. As I look back on things I understand how much of the energy of my life has gone into keeping even keel, putting limits on hours spent off task, into marking off vast measures of time in which I might function undisturbed. Isolation has only rarely displeased me. Maybe now I am less tolerant because my time is so much my own that any compromise seems an intrusion.