September 5, 2014

Faintest pearl on the blue of the night. At one point it was raining in the front yard and not in the back.

Little get-together last night, for which I over-bought and over-prepared grossly. No one seemed to be hungry or to want to stay very long. But Alma left me three pieces of cake for my birthday. . . .

Tight chest in the evening. I thought I might be having a heart attack, but when I felt the muscles of my chest, they were tight and sore, perhaps from the gym, but more likely, I think, from stress and rage concerning the disposition of 62. I finally phoned W, who seemed to have a plan of payment (a unilateral one, departing from anything we had discussed before), though I wondered if it were made up on the spot in response to my call, or had been on his mind and never communicated. I think the former and hope the latter. Even if the latter, his refusal to communicate is not, as he thinks, a sign of strength. Why alienate and enrage the people who wish you well? I went to 62 to feed DJ’s fish and look for his lost cat, and a golden rose and a red, red rose were blooming in the yard, and I was struck with such emotions of loss.

Grandiflora magnolia bears a single bloom.

Almost sick with relief at having a day truly off.