June 28, 2009

Wondrous early in the morning. Just as I was typing “wondrous early,” the first robin began to sing.

Gout in the other big toe now, either a little less excruciating, or a little less surprising. But, more enduring. This is day two, and I think it is worse than yesterday, when I did manage to get around with an old man’s limp. Pain woke me moments ago. I try to tell myself I had enough sleep, and maybe that is true. The irony is that Dede Rackham asked me to serve as pallbearer this afternoon, which I will do whatever pain is in my toe, though I don’t want to detract by the limping and shrieking at every step which seems, at this hour, unavoidable. The putting on of shoes is all but unendurable.

I did manage a full day yesterday, mostly painting. The friendly traffic in the room is pretty much all for Jason. I returned to the studio early in the evening to follow up on an inspiration, and while I was there a troop streamed in, each one stopping, darting his eyes around the room, and saying of variation of, “Oh, I thought Jason might be here.” Part of it is that J is nicer than I am. Part of it is the remarkable depth of the drug culture in the building, which I stand outside of by virtue of long (if not particularly intentional) abstinence. I wouldn’t have thought it made so much difference, but it does.