Solstice

 December 21, 2024

Winter, and weather to confirm it. 

Napped not through but by the Met’s children’s Zauberflote on the radio. Lovely. 

Driving back from church last night there was an incident. Cars trying to pull into the parking lot of the Italian restaurant on Merrimon blocked the northbound lane, turning before the car in front of them had cleared the entrance. It’s one lane there, unless you veer into the turning lane. I’d stopped because of the large white pick-up blocking the lane at the entrance in front of me, and was pulling out into the passing lane to get around him, when suddenly, without sign or signal, he pulled out into the driving lane, blocking and nearly hitting me. I assumed he hadn’t seen me (or didn’t care) and was going to hit me, so I honked the horn. He slammed on his brake, opened the door and stalked back toward me. He was a very large man, evidently very angry. An interesting thing happened. I was not angry (my anger is quite slow, burning on a long, imperfect fuse) but I was absolutely ready and absolutely committed. Whatever happened next, I was ready and willing. Perceiving that the horn had infuriated him, I laid on the horn. In a few seconds he went back to his truck, as I knew he would, slammed the door, and backed the truck toward me with considerable speed. I thought we were going to collide, but he braked at the last second and turned into a different drive, one which does not lead to the restaurant. Through every such confrontation I recall this has been my reaction, coolness, readiness, not an ounce of fear. On the street, in a bar, in an office, wherever the moment narrowed to a blade, I was ready– even though, now that I can sometimes barely walk, the chances of success are unpromising. If that’s just me it’s one thing, but if it’s a general male reaction, it explains a lot about the world, a lot of desperate or horrible actions that seem incomprehensible to reason and the calm moment. I would have followed the big thug’s lead wherever it went. 

Christmas music from Cleveland on the bud downstairs.