February 20, 2017

Worked all Sunday on the Assassins piece– the structure is fully visualized, and now there remains but to walk through the corridors realizing and detailing. Somewhat against expectation I got into the car and drove to Waynesville to audition for the HART 2017 season. There are not many roles right for me (these diminish as I age) and the times are wrong, but I decided to do it as much for an evening’s adventure as anything else. Just to get myself off the chair and out. Glad to have done so. Saw many people I missed, some I missed so much I’d tried to conceal the depth of feeling from myself. I wondered as I looked about the crowded room whether others’ feelings are as my own. Does it feel the same for person X to miss somebody as it does for me? Are their emotions somehow keener than mine? Duller? Different in some way I don’t know how to express? When my Irishman hugged me, I’m sure we were feeling something very different– but what? Sometimes I think I would really like to know.